My magic castle

My magic castle

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Magic of Positive 'Shoulds'

I admit I cringed a bit when I first considered the title of this post. Far too many times people have tried to "fix" me or give unwelcome and bad advice starting out with "You should". But a wise magician can choose to rewire his or her brain by developing new habits. It is not easy but in time it will get easier to do things you have decided you should do. I am reminded of the first and second laws of Buddha: Life is hard but if you admit it and quit resisting, things get easier. I suppose that is why some women can accomplish so much when they have a family and a career. They have spent years buckling down and getting things done. I think of my sister, JoLynn Kirkwood, Cowboy Poet, Teacher, Mother, and Farm Wife as having four careers. Whenever I visit her or talk to her on the phone she is smoothly accomplishing things. It might be zucchini bread for the freezer, canning peaches from trees they have on the farm, or getting ready to go to an event in which she presents the poetry she writes about rural life.
The key concept in using 'shoulds' is freedom of choice. A habit stays with you a long time. Be careful of the ones you develop. Some people have practiced nastiness so long it is second nature. But with focus, setting yourself up to expect change to happen and keeping at it in persistent bits and pieces you can bring positive shoulds into your life. But they are your shoulds, not imposed on you from someone else. I wish you magic in creating the life you want. May the spark be with you.

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